Thursday, 7 July 2016

A New Era

It's been a long while since my last post, but I finally feel like I'm back in a place where I can start writing again. 

A lot happened to me over the past year, and a lot of it wasn't good. I'm not going to go through it, there's no point in dragging myself down in having to retell the story again. Let's just say that it's made me stronger and a different person - one closer to the person I actually want to be.

There has been some good that's happened too though. I've met new people, I've overcome certain fears, I've climbed obstacles and smashed some to smithereens, I've started doing certain activities again that I feared I'd never feel comfortable enough to ever try again, and I'm so much happier than I've been in ages. 

There's no doubt that I still have a lot of work to do, but the fact that I am at the point that I am now, I consider some sort of a miracle -- especially in comparison to this time last year, or even six months ago.  It's been baby steps, and I've stumbled, crawled, and fallen backwards, but I'm still going forwards. I've discovered that as much as my impatient brain wants to, I'm not yet ready for leaps and bounds, but as far as I'm concerned, as long as I continue on the path that I'm on, it doesn't matter how long it takes me to reach my goal. 

I still have issues, I'm still suffering from everything under the sun, but I feel like I'm learning to deal with it all in new and different ways. I'm so very proud of myself, and I know that there are people in my life that are just as proud, and this means the world to me. The people in my life now are the ones that I want there, the ones that I need, and the ones that I deserve. It took me far too long to realise this, and it's not something I will ever let myself go back on.

The image in my last post - the teary eye and the knife - that picture is on my bedroom wall, I see it every morning when I wake up, and every night before I go to sleep. It reminds me of where I used to be, and how far I've come now. It's been over 9 months since I last self harmed. I'd be lying if I hadn't had the thought or the urge since, but I haven't actually fallen so low that I've felt the real desire. Another reason to be unbelievably proud of myself. 

Now I feel like I'm back in a place where I can actually write about my life and my experiences and troubles again without descending into a bottomless pit, I shall attempt to update more often. Even just writing this out has made me smile and feel like another part of me is back to where it should be -- and that it too can continue the path onwards and upwards! 

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