tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34895562848350803422024-03-14T09:57:51.139+00:00Musings of a Vehement Vixen I am an intelligent, occasionally eloquent woman rapidly approaching 30 who suffers from an unfortunate handful of chronic medical conditions. I like to write about my struggles in the hope that it helps people understand more, and maybe helps a fellow invisible illness warrior in their battle.
I am also an intense, passionate person, whose last name happens to be Fox, hence the Vehement Vixen. Simple and easy. Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-80533217130775648072019-11-25T17:42:00.001+00:002019-11-25T17:42:48.952+00:00An Inspiration? <br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Over the past month, two different people, in different
situations, completely unconnected, and from different and separate
conversations have said that I’m <i>“inspirational”</i>, and that I should write and
blog more about my issues and how I try to overcome them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I found this bizarre, insane, potty, and frankly wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But then I thought about it a bit more. Just because I don’t
find myself inspirational in any way, shape or form doesn’t mean that others
don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I find the fact that I’ve had to find ways to make sure I
eat before I take my morning medications annoying, but maybe others find that I’ve
found a solution to the problem inspirational and helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I hate that I have to plan things by the hour sometimes, and
that I have to write everything in multiple calendars not just so I remember
them, but so that they actually get done. Others may find the combined use of
the calendar on my phone and a blackboard wall calendar extremely useful, and
not something they’d thought of before. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There are loads of things like
this, from pockets to pillows, medications to massages, the list grows
constantly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">While I look at the seemingly unending list of things I use
as tools to help me manage my various conditions as second nature now, or
common sense, or even just tricks and tweaks I’ve picked up after suffering for
so many years, that list might look like the holy grail of things to help them,
whether they’re just starting their chronic illness journey, or like me, have
been battling for many years and still struggle with some basics – or just spot
something they’ve never tried before!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I’m in the process of writing what looks to be a long and
informative article, originally designed to be sent to The Mighty, but I feel
that now might be a good time to resurrect my blog, and post this, the article
, and other things on it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As I’m in a reasonably good place at the moment, maybe it’s
time I start airing my thoughts again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I struggle every day. Sometimes it’s just fatigue, sometimes
it’s pain, sometimes it’s my depression, sometimes it’s anxiety, sometimes it’s
a fabulous combination or all of them. Different
things need different coping techniques and things I need to do to battle
through them, and manage it so I don’t end up a mess who can’t function.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Today I’m tired, so today I let myself nap. It’s not
something I do often, most of the time I can hold on, whether it by just
resting, or taking things slowly and easy so as not to drain what little energy
I have too quickly. I can shower, dress, apply some make up and blow dry my
hair in an hour fairly easily, and that’s without rushing. On days where I’m
tired but have to go out, I have to block out an hour and a half to two hours just
to do all that, because I know that if I rush myself or do it at my usual
speed, I’ll end up in a state and probably be unable to do what I need to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I’m going to try and write a post weekly. I’m going to put
it on my calendars to make sure I do it. I can’t speak to the content yet,
maybe summarising how I coped with any of the weeks struggles, maybe just bits
on what I suffer from, I guess we’ll see how the week goes and how the muse
strikes. I will admit that writing this, and writing the bigger article, has
ignited something in me again. It’s reminded me how much I love writing, and
how well I can get my point across so much better when I put pen to paper (or
fingers to keyboard as it stands) as opposed to just speaking. I have time to
think about what I want to say, how I want to say it. I value that time. Time
to think. It’s time that I use to sort through the riot in my head and get
things straight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I know that there’s not many people that read this blog, it
doesn’t get many views, but if you are reading this, and there’s something that
you’d like to read about from me and my points of view, then just ask.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-88513282158528382992018-02-04T23:32:00.000+00:002018-02-04T23:32:44.074+00:00This Girl Can<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s been a while.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the months since my last post, a lot has happened.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I started playing rugby again for one. The rugby club set up
a ladies team, so I joined up. It’d been 14 years since my last game of rugby
due to my knee injury, so I was unsure whether it would be a good idea or not.
I got cleared by the phsyio, so I went to training. And my God, it was amazing.
I would be utterly dead for a few days after a training session, but I was
getting out of the house, I was exercising, I made some new friends. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">11 weeks after we created our team, we played our first
game. It was a pre-season training game, and it was long and hard, and we didn’t
have a chance to win it, but there’s no better way to learn than to play. I did
well. My fitness wasn’t, and isn’t, up to scratch, but I ran, I passed, I
scrummaged, I tackled and got tackled – and that’s where it went wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the final two minutes of the game, we made a play, where
I (as a prop) would charge forward as far as I could, and go to ground – or offload
if I needed to. I got the ball, I ran forward, I made it about 5 paces and I
got tackled, hard. I managed to offload the ball as I went down, as I was
twisted and landed awkwardly on the floor. The next thing I know, I’m lying on
the ground, unable to move my left leg, and in absolute agony. I was literally
picked up and carried off the pitch. There were swear words and tears of pain
and anger. I knew I was done for the second I hit the ground.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Skip forward a few weeks and hospital visits, crutches, a
brace and a plethora of painkillers, and I’m told that I have snapped my ACL
(Anterior Cruciate Ligament) and have torn my meniscus (the cartlidge).
Wonderful. Surgery. Yay. I will not be playing again this season. Double yay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Skip forward again to today. I had the surgery 4 months ago.
I’m healing really well, it’s strong and it’s working. My surgeon is astounded
and proud. My physio is amazed. I’ve gone back to rugby training – although I’ve
got to do it slowly and I’m not allowed to take any contact. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, in our 8<sup>th</sup> game of the season, I donned my
boots, and I ran on with a water bottle and the kicking tee. It felt wonderful.
I’m riding a little bit of a high from it as I sit here and type, as well as
being in a great deal of pain. I proved I could jog, I proved that I am on a
comeback, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not still stiff and crampy from all
the activity. My calf muscle is one big painful knot, but it is all worth it.
Today I got to be back on a rugby pitch, as an official member of the team in
boots and with a purpose. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-46860458901097163712017-02-13T21:22:00.001+00:002017-02-13T21:22:55.330+00:00It's No Picnic<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"It must be so easy being you."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"It must be lush getting to spend so much time in bed."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"You're so lucky that you don't have to go to work!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"You're just lazy."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"You do [blah] every week, you can't be that bad!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"You listen to too many doctors, there can't be all that wrong with you."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"Stop complaining, everyone aches occasionally."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">To the people who constantly say these and other similar things to me, I say fuck off. It's not easy, it's not lush, it's not lucky. I'm not lazy, I am that bad, I do have all that wrong with me, and if you felt all the pain I feel every second of every day, you'd complain sometimes too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I'll show you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This is my minimum daily medication intake. I can, and often do, take other painkillers during the day upping the numbers. </span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDBFoEsYw1qyON_QcCU4c-DjQklWbqDAIGAQE1fBWNKP29XctSvxIxf6wGmiMyP5yRxAzGMKRgTGI0-3MURNmRodQU6aCdzd5f2Kd4STiOszU0mVfFm_8pFOcbtZJdc8Us-3BDcpCMWbgu/s1600/20170209_093212.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDBFoEsYw1qyON_QcCU4c-DjQklWbqDAIGAQE1fBWNKP29XctSvxIxf6wGmiMyP5yRxAzGMKRgTGI0-3MURNmRodQU6aCdzd5f2Kd4STiOszU0mVfFm_8pFOcbtZJdc8Us-3BDcpCMWbgu/s320/20170209_093212.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This is my AM medication. It's mostly vitamins to try and keep my immune system going, and my energy levels up, with a few painkillers thrown in to eradicate the pain build up from during the night.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL66Et4dJFV1piHS8v8W4OGK1WdKJetxJ6l83kFvtPELxV6GD9QHl9ERGqpUMu3YPgsIScZ2Ano-jHQDVqnLQYkEiGqkk7heSXhyY-ymsZ06edGR6WaPUcZZQX0N7smWCVqnQaJ6e4WnI9/s1600/20170209_093312.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL66Et4dJFV1piHS8v8W4OGK1WdKJetxJ6l83kFvtPELxV6GD9QHl9ERGqpUMu3YPgsIScZ2Ano-jHQDVqnLQYkEiGqkk7heSXhyY-ymsZ06edGR6WaPUcZZQX0N7smWCVqnQaJ6e4WnI9/s320/20170209_093312.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This is my PM medication. It's a combination of painkillers so I can sleep and antidepressants to keep me sane.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This is my minimum weekday total of medication. </span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtWIph0nRkWiM0rfW87UgUylxs-W_Peetc180S0y8w9WMMxeMlRFOKB7Q6NEqbAeXPUp2S5e_weeirE5PXXqwDCplgJSWsWU6JvpNP0n27rgpILlFgRmc7kdIrcRW1PWytyimIGRWPAEbR/s1600/20170209_094455.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtWIph0nRkWiM0rfW87UgUylxs-W_Peetc180S0y8w9WMMxeMlRFOKB7Q6NEqbAeXPUp2S5e_weeirE5PXXqwDCplgJSWsWU6JvpNP0n27rgpILlFgRmc7kdIrcRW1PWytyimIGRWPAEbR/s320/20170209_094455.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Lots of colours, lots of painkillers, lots of empty sheets and boxes when I fill up my tablet dispenser every week.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">These rolls of tape are used at least twice a week - as the tape lasts and stays on for a few days. </span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVcoGFlb7V6Ttr1Uqyj7MEK4VvvH-MtV-iV2W-k_sZ5WMsATywxng9IagdVR67GRTIts6QWefrihYB6fri9KK90bguCjIqBUlcEUyzP3YmPNM5qIpgUWNF8Aw1BmAHryPWXZUH-4TRa4f4/s1600/20170209_095350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVcoGFlb7V6Ttr1Uqyj7MEK4VvvH-MtV-iV2W-k_sZ5WMsATywxng9IagdVR67GRTIts6QWefrihYB6fri9KK90bguCjIqBUlcEUyzP3YmPNM5qIpgUWNF8Aw1BmAHryPWXZUH-4TRa4f4/s320/20170209_095350.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The thick blue tape is used on my knee, and all three are used on my shoulder. I also often have to strap my ankles.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I do not take these tablets for fun. I do not take them for the sake of it. I do not take them just because. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I do not tape up for attention. I do not tape up as a fashion statement. I do not tape up because it's fun. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I take them to function. I take them to exist. I take them so I can actually do the little bits I actually do. I take them so I can survive. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I tape up to keep my joints in the correct places. I tape up to support said joints. I tape up so they don't give way in agony after 10 minutes of activity. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Next time you decide to take the piss, or comment on how jealous you are of my life - remember this post, and think about whether you'd want to sacrifice what you have to live my life, to take all those pills, and struggle with everything they're for, their side effects, and the need to take extra pills to counteract any damage they do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Believe me, you'd be changing your tune really fast. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Having a chronic illness is no picnic. </span>Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-16158287887542137892017-01-23T21:48:00.000+00:002017-01-23T21:49:44.043+00:00Funding a Breakthrough<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have ME.
It’s a huge part of who I am. I may not be my disease, but it certainly effects
every second of my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It’s the
part of me that’s unreliable. It’s the part of me that forces me to spend so
much time lying down. It’s the part of me that I hate. It’s the part of me that
makes everything more difficult. It’s the part of me that squashes the rest of
me into a tiny box. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am not my
disease. I am my own person, I have my own story, my own personality, but
keeping it afloat and not succumbing is a huge battle – a battle I don’t often
have the time and strength to fight, especially considering I’m fighting my own
body 24/7. I don’t know how to be the real me in my life anymore. I’m not sure
who the real me is anymore. I’m lost in a sea of pain, fatigue, tiredness, a
touch of self-pity, with an atmosphere of depression and anxiety surrounding
it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I want a
cure. I need a cure. I won’t be seeing a cure in my lifetime. But, if I can
raise money for the advancement of medical science, for awareness, for development
and understanding, for a breakthrough, then maybe the next generation can be
cured. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I may suffer
every day for the rest of my life, but it won’t be for nothing if my fight and
involvement can help the future. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">Any money donated can help, please click the link below to help and show your support.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/KimFoxDryJanuary" target="_blank">Click here to donate</a></span></div>
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Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-82264434247027357672016-12-16T21:01:00.001+00:002016-12-16T21:01:56.419+00:00Realizations, Fights, and Apologies<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Life can get messy when you live with chronic illness. Parts of your life get sacrificed when dealing with flare ups, with the fight against your body and mind, with new ailments appearing and old ones dragging you down. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I've drifted from my friends recently. I've been exhausted, dealing with new pain, with a recurrence of anxiety to do with public appearances, and with a simple desire to hide myself away hermit style and disconnect from the world. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I'm aware this isn't healthy, nor is it good for my social sanding or relationships with my friends, but there's not much that can be done about it apart from wait for it to pass. It always does, it may take some time, but it does always eventually go away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I could force myself out, but I would only end up being miserable and regretting it, and I don't believe someone should be out if that's only going to be the case. Yes, I still do my rugby club duties on a Saturday, and quiz on a Sunday, but they're different that usual socializing. I'm working, it's family, it's comfortable, it's where I want to be. It is bumming me out though, I miss my friends. I miss the laughter, I miss the conversations about things I don't understand and amusing them by the fact it all goes right over my head. I miss not being judged.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have a feeling that a lot of this anxiety has been upped by not wanting to bump into the guy mentioned in my previous post as I always avoid situations that make me uncomfortable; and because of an incident that happened a few weeks ago. It happened at the rugby club which has made me slightly anxious there when I know the individual involved in the incident could be around, but I know there are others there who like me, trust me, understand me and what I'm going through, and that helps. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The aforementioned incident was ridiculous. I thought so then, I think so now, but that doesn't change the fact that it happened and that it's affected me. The culprit, who will remain unnamed, approached me and asked me what was wrong with me and why I don't work. I replied that I'm generally unwell, how working on a Saturday knocks me for six and that it takes me a few days to recover but that it was totally worth it. She then proceeded to rant at me about how I listen to doctors too much, and that I can't be as ill as I say or have all all the conditions and ailments that I do; that I should simply think positive thoughts and I'll get better, that taking long walks and hikes for charity will make me feel better that I need to stop believing that I'm sick and disabled and then I won't be. She was insulting, ignorant, arrogant and completely oblivious to the damage she was causing me. I was in tears in front of her, I shouted and was very visibly upset and distraught because of her comments and she stood there asking me why I was getting so upset, really not grasping the fact that it was her hurtful words that caused it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I'm sure there are other factors that I haven't yet considered that are contributing to my despondent state, but I'm certain that this hasn't helped. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I'm getting there. I'm better than I was last week, and I hope things will improve more over the upcoming Christmas period, but it's going to take me time to get back to the point that I'm comfortable being out in public again with my friends. I've still got the shoes that I need to wear to do so, it's just they're giving me blisters, and I'm not ready to try and wear them again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I hope they understand. I hope they're reading this and nodding knowingly, and realise that I'm not avoiding them, I'm not fobbing them off, I'm just struggling to get by and exist at the moment, and I'm sorry that I'm not around - I really truly am. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-90228205444610589892016-10-11T02:28:00.003+01:002016-10-11T02:28:59.697+01:00To sleep: perchance to dream; aye, there's the rub...<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Insomnia is a bitch.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Painsomnia is even worse.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have the misfortune of occasionally suffering from a combination of the two, something that is most definitely less than fun when you suffer from chronic fatigue to start with.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last week - from Sunday afternoon til Saturday morning I had no more than about 12-15 hours sleep. My shoulder, back, knee and ankle put me into a whirlwind of pain, basically making my contract with the sleep fairy null and void. I'm falling apart, and the one thing that I could really do with to let my body try and fix itself is sleep, and it's the one thing that it wouldn't let me do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'll admit that I slept a bit more than I had any other night that week on Wednesday night, but as the insomnia carried on afterwards, I'm putting that down to the fact that I'd had my flu jab that afternoon and it knocked me for six. I slept Saturday night too, after a long day, and then a subsequent night out in Dorchester resulting in arriving at the spare room I was sleeping in at about 5:30am. I slept well on Sunday night too, being so exhausted from my weekend antics that I passed out from exhaustion rather than fell asleep. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was hoping that that would be the end of this bout, but here I am at half two Tuesday morning tearing my hair out at the fact that I'm not asleep - and can't seem to get there. No amount of reading, or puzzles to wear out my eyes and brain seem to be working. Nor does the sleep mist I have or eye masks and pure determination. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm going to hope that this is a side effect from sleeping so much last night (I had a good 10 hours) and that I sleep well tomorrow. If not words will be had with my Doctor on Wednesday when I go in for steroid injections in my shoulder. That might do the trick, less pain equalling more sleep, but I might need an alternate solution. Not sure sleeping pills will be the right thing, but at least he might be able to suggest something else that will put sleep back on the menu for me! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-42287068162958935402016-08-27T18:32:00.001+01:002019-11-27T18:56:39.648+00:00Zero to Hero<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The last year has been a series of ups and downs, starting mostly with downs, and (so far) ending in mostly ups. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Compared to where I was this time last year, deeply suicidal, depressed, anxiety riddled and in generally a miserable state of affairs, I'm now much happier, cheerful, still suffering but no where near to the same extent, and starting new chapters of my life - something I never thought would happen. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For starters, I'm back working at the rugby club. After two years of being absent, I made it back and aside from the fact that there are a few new faces; it's like I never left. I'm back doing the bar work on a Saturday, appearing occasionally on a Thursday night, and really loving it. Everyone was very understanding about my sabbatical, there were little to no questions asked and I was welcomed back into the family with open arms. It's been 9 months or so since I went back, and I'm sat here gagging for the new season to properly begin so I can get back into it again! Never was a fan of the close season!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">One of my favourite things that's happened to me this year is getting my reading bug back. As a child and teenager I spent the majority of my time with my nose buried in a book, and then lost my ability to concentrate enough to read (an unfortunate side effect of the ME), something that was both saddening and annoying to me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I started reading again this year, starting simply with the Nikki Heat books by Richard Castle (linked to the Castle tv show). They're easy to read, have good plots, and were perfect for the re-entry to the world of books. I then went on to Derrick Storm books and haven't looked back. I've read Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park, The Lost Symbol and Inferno by Dan Brown, reread Torey Hayden's novels, and haven begun the Tempe Brennan series by Kathy Reichs. I've lost count, but I think that makes just over 30 books. That's more than I've read in the past 8 years combined. And I freaking love it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In other news, I've finally decided that I'm in a place where I can start doing more with my life. Whilst I don't feel able, ready or capable to start a college course, or even something with The Open University, I decided it was time that I try for some more education.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Having flunked out of Sixth Form and my A Levels, and then again doing a Film Studies course at college the following year, I gave up on being able to gain any kind of further education. Aside from my complete lack of concentration span and the way that education works in later years of study, I lost confidence in myself, and struggled with my anxiety over the whole situation. That was until recently. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As mentioned above, I have got back into reading again, and because of this I feel like I can use that new found ability to proper use. In the last month I have started two separate online courses, both of which will gain me proper and recognised qualifications, but have no deadlines. This means that I can complete them at my own speed, with no pressures on me other than the ones that I impose on myself. This is paramount to me being able to succeed (and even think about trying if I'm honest) as this is a really big jump forward for me in my progress to find and keep my shine and become the person that I want and deserve to be, but I still need to do it slowly and at a speed that's comfortable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">These two courses are very different from each other. The first is a Nail Technician course, to expand my ability in the nail art that I already do, and gain a qualification so that I can progress forward and perhaps start my own small business - something that the course also teaches you to do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The second is a Criminal Psychologist course. I love crime, murder, forensics and such, and learning about the reasons behind crime and criminal's behaviour is something that both intrigues and excites me. This is a larger course, with more work and reading to do, but again has no time limit, so whether it takes me a year or three to complete, then so be it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have come on leaps and bounds in recent weeks. On Thursday this week for example, I was required to attend a speed awareness course due to getting caught speeding a few weeks ago. I was to attend for four hours at a local hotel, on my own. I knew no one there, barely knew the place I was going, but I did it. I went, I stayed, and I suffered no problems whatsoever. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am so very proud, pleased and amazed at myself. I've still got a long way to go, but I'm further than I ever thought I could be. Like it says in </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Katy Perry's Roar </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I went from zero, to my own hero."</i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> it's a highly appropriate quote for me right now, and I've never been more proud. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-12589042720529212792016-07-13T19:11:00.001+01:002016-07-13T22:17:15.359+01:00Breathe. Believe. Shine. A Lyrical Guide.<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Music is a big part of most people’s
lives, and can be a wholly healing thing. Some people find the noise of it
comforting, others the melodies, but personally I prefer lyrics, particularly
the ones that grab me and inspire me – especially those that inspire me to keep
on fighting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I’ve made a list of songs, and have
taken the lyrics I feel are the most inspiring from each, the ones that remind
me how and why I need to keep on fighting against all the anxiety and
depression that surrounds me, others are ones that simply make me feel like I’m
not alone in the fight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Some are cheesy, some are deep, and
some are just a pure prescription back to the path you want to be travelling to
find your shine again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I've made YouTube and Spotify playlist to go with this post if you'd like to listen to the songs I've mentioned: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Youtube: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxOKm9TOv5qZwhs22loEGRYoJWlcmCzYy" target="_blank">Breathe. Believe. Shine.</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Spotify: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/115496003/playlist/63zQ3Wy3hCwp0ueBlHaFrs" target="_blank">Breathe. Believe. Shine.</a></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">1.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
Have Confidence – The Sound of Music<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">What
will this day be like? I wonder.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">What
will my future be? I wonder.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">It
could be so exciting, <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">To
be out in the world, to be free!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">My
heart should be wildly rejoicing.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Oh,
what's the matter with me?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I've
always longed for adventure,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">To
do the things I've never dared.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Now
here I'm facing adventure<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Then
why am I so scared?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">[…]<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Oh,
I must stop these doubts, all these worries.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">If
I don't I just know I'll turn back!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
must dream of the things I am seeking.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
am seeking the courage I lack.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Maria’s determination to have
courage and to get past the obstacles in her life led to one of the best, well
known, and romantic musicals and storylines, and I’d be lying if I said I
didn’t envy it! Be inspired by her and follow your dreams too!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">2.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> <b>For the
First Time in Forever - Frozen<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Don't
let them in, don't let them see<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Be
the good girl you always have to be<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Conceal,
don't feel, put on a show<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Make
one wrong move and everyone will know<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">This one’s not so much about
overcoming anxiety, but more exactly how it feels. Anyone that has ever
suffered even an iota of [social] anxiety will understand this one. Elsa got
over the fears and anxiety she had about her powers, with the help and support
of her family and ultimately the people around her. Take note and prove to
yourself that you don’t always have to do what everyone else thinks you should
be doing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">3.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
See The Light – Tangled<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">All
those days watching from the windows<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">All
those years outside looking in<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">All
that time never even knowing<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Just
how blind I've been<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Now
I'm here blinking in the starlight<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Now
I'm here suddenly I see<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Standing
here it's all so clear<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I'm
where I'm meant to be<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
at last I see the light<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
it's like the fog has lifted<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
at last I see the light<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
it's like the sky is new<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
it's warm and real and bright<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
the world has somehow shifted<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">All
at once everything looks different<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">The way I see this song, is that it
starts off describing how it feels to suffer from anxiety, and how you always
feel like you’re out of life in some way, but then proceeds onto how it feels
when you get comfortable and feel safe, how it feels to not be in the shroud of
your anxiety and/or afflictions. Follow the things that make you feel safe and
comfortable, remember them, remember the feelings and keep them close, use them
as happy places for times when you can’t find what you need in the moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">4.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> Breathe (2am) – Anna Nalick<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">'Cause
you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
life's like an hourglass, glued to the table<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">No
one can find the rewind button, girl.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">So
cradle your head in your hands<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
breathe... just breathe…<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">This song is an all-time favourite
of mine. I first heard it on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy and fell in love with
it immediately. We all feel like we’re struggling sometimes, but the thing we
have to remember above all is just to breathe, and to keep breathing. It
doesn’t matter if you’re falling apart and a complete mess, or just throwing a
wobbly and having a funny five minutes – breathe. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">5.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Keep
Breathing – Ingrid Michaelson<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
want to change the world, instead I sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
want to believe in more than you and me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">But
all that I know is I'm breathing.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">All
I can do is keep breathing.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">All
we can do i</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">s keep breathing, now</span></i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Going along the same lines as the
previous song, this is another one I discovered on Grey’s Anatomy, and another
one about breathing. Even if the whole world around you seems to be crumbling,
and everything is going to shit, all you can do is keep breathing, and that’s
nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes a few deep breaths and focussing on your
breathing will do you the world of good in any situation. Don’t try and take on
too much, if you need to stop and breathe and regroup then let yourself, don’t
keep pushing just because others around you don’t understand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">6.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Because
of You – Kelly Clarkson<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Because
of you<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
never stray too far from the sidewalk<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Because
of you<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Because
of you<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Because
of you<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
am afraid<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">A lot of songs you’ll find on this
list are to do with love, lost love, heartbreak or other such feelings, but
I’ve found that if you substitute the meaning behind the lyrics when they were
written, they can hold a whole new meaning for you. This track for example, if
the ‘you’ that is mentioned is deemed as anxiety, it makes a whole lot of sense
to anyone who suffers. This is one that makes me feel like I’m not alone in my
suffering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I read a quote recently that said
“In order to fight panic attacks, you’ve got to look your symptoms in the eye”
– while I don’t find it totally accurate, I feel that there is something in it.
Your anxiety is making you scared, making you afraid, and if you look it in the
eye it is possible to make some headway into beating it. Stray from the
sidewalk, start trusting, even if it is only yourself in small bites at a time,
the more trust and faith you have in yourself, the more likely you are to be
able to fight against the darkness inside of you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">7.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Uprising
– Muse<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">They
will not force us<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">They
will stop degrading us<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">They
will not control us<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">We
will be victorious<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">A bit of change to the style and
genre of music here, and again one that works with whatever afflictions you
have. The anxiety will not force us. The depression will stop degrading us. The
fear will not control us. WE WILL be victorious! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">8.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> Desperado – The Eagles<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">It's
hard to tell the night time from the day<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">You're
losin' all your highs and lows<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Ain't
it funny how the feeling goes away?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Desperado,
why don't you come to your senses?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Come
down from your fences, open the gate<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">It
may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Now, this is a funny one. It’s
generally a rather depressing song, and not one to be listening to if you’re in
a state, as some of the lyrics may have an adverse effect on you; but I do like
the lyrics towards the end of the song.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">It may be raining darling, it may be
pouring, but there’s a rainbow, and the feeling goes away – even if only for a
moment. Grab that moment and cling to it for dear life, and every other one
that comes your way, you’ll get there!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">9.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> <b>Tubthumping
– Chumbawumba<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
get knocked down<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">But
I get up again<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">You're
never gonna keep me down<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
get knocked down<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">But
I get up again<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">You're
never gonna keep me down<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">This is quite possibly the best
pick-me-up song ever written. Not only is it bright and cheery (and about
alcohol) but it is literally repetition of a mantra that should always be
repeated. You will get knocked down; you will fall backwards in your fight, but
get up again. Sit on the floor for 5 minutes, cry out the fact you’ve fallen,
but get back up again. Nothing can keep you down but yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">10.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; text-indent: -18pt;"> <b>Unwritten
– Natasha Bedingfield</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Release
your inhibitions<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Feel
the rain on your skin<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">No
one else can feel it for you<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Only
you can let it in<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">No
one else, no one else<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Can
speak the words on your lips<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Drench
yourself in words unspoken<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Live
your life with arms wide open<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Today
is where your book begins<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">The
rest is still unwritten<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Well there’s some good advice! Each
day is a new day, a new page in your book, it’s not all written there for you
all decided by the fears and feelings that control you. Only you can go forth
and live your life – feel those raindrops, say those words – no one else sees
the world through your eyes, so go and see it! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">11.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> <b>We are
the Champions – Queen<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I've
paid my dues<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Time
after time.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I've
done my sentence<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">But
committed no crime.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
bad mistakes ‒<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I've
made a few.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I've
had my share of sand kicked in my face<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">But
I've come through.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">(And
I need just go on and on, and on, and on)<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">We
are the champions, my friends,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
we'll keep on fighting 'til the end.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">We
are the champions.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">We
are the champions.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">F</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">reddie said it, so it must be true
(along with the fact the Fat Bottomed Girls making the rockin’ world go
round!)</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">He fought to the end, the very end
in his case. He never let his AIDs destroy him, he went on, and on and on and
on, and just look at the legacy he left behind. In my books, he’s an idol to be
looked up to, if he can do it so can I!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">If we keep on fighting, we will
become champions – champions of our own personal demons at the very least,
which is not an achievement to stick your nose up at!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">12.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> <b>Bring
it On – Nick Cave (& the Bad Seeds)<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">So
bring it on<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Bring
it on<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Every
little tear<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Bring
it on<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Every
useless fear<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Bring
it on<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">All
your shattered dreams<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And
I'll scatter them into the sea<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Into
the sea<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The lyric that gets me here is </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">‘useless fear’ </i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">we all know that most of
our fears and anxieties are useless and a bit pointless (obviously there are
exceptions to every rule!) but we all need someone who is willing to take on
our burdens and help defeat them, whether that’s scattering them into the sea,
or helping us conquer them and make us wonder what we were scared of in the
first place! For some people that could be a
parent/friend/partner/colleague/therapist, but for others it’s the non-scared,
non-anxiety riddled parts of our personas that we take hold of and make the
dominant feature pushing aside all our tribulations.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">13.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> Hit Me With Your Best Shot – Pat Benatar<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">You
don't fight fair<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">But
that's OK, see if I care<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Knock
me down, it's all in vain<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I'll
get right back on my feet again<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Hit
me with your best shot<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Why
don't you hit me<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">With
your best shot<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Hit
me with your best shot<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Another dancy popular tune! Getting
back up again and carrying on going forward (even if it is only baby steps or
crawling – it’s still forward momentum!) is the most important thing to do when
you’ve had a setback or have been knocked down. Remember to keep on fighting! You
will always be hit with its best shot; you just have to remember that you CAN
overcome it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">14.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> Fighter
– Christina Aguilera<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">'Cause
if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Just
how capable I am to pull through<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">So
I wanna say thank you<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">'Cause
it<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Makes
me that much stronger<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Makes
me work a little bit harder<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">It
makes me that much wiser<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">So
thanks for making me a fighter<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Made
me learn a little bit faster<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Made
my skin a little bit thicker<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Makes
me that much smarter<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">So
thanks for making me a fighter<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Possibly not a song you imagined
would ever be on this list, but again the lyrics are too strong and poignant to
a sufferer not to be mentioned. This song is about an (ex)boyfriend cheating on
her, but again, if you substitute the ‘you’ for anxiety it fits so well. The
more you fight it the stronger you get, the better you get at it, and you’ll
get to the point that you’ll thank the things it has done to you in the past
for making you the person you are today – a fighter!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">15.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> <b>Breathe
– U2<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Every
day I die again, and again I'm reborn<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Every
day I have to find the courage<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">To
walk out into the street<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Aside from a few songs, I’m not a U2
fan – and I think Bono is a bit of a dick; but the lyrics to this song touched
me. Every day is a new day, you never know what you’re gonna be waking up to.
You don’t know if it’s a good day, a bad day, a curl up and want to die day, a
day you need someone (even if it’s your little sister) to hold your hand for
the courage to be able to do anything – even walking out of your front door, or
a day you feel on top of the world and nothing bothers you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">16.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> <b>Beautiful
– Christina Aguilera<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Every
day is so wonderful<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Then
suddenly<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">It's
hard to breathe<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Now
and then I get insecure<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">From
all the pain<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I'm
so ashamed<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
am beautiful<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">No
matter what they say<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Words
can't bring me down<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
am beautiful<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">In
every single way<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Yes
words can't bring me down<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Oh
no<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">So
don't you bring me down today<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">This song needs no introduction, I’m
sure everyone knows it, loves it and that it touches them in some way. I’ve found
that a lot of people who suffer from various afflictions are ashamed about it,
don’t like people to know, but you really shouldn’t be. The more people who
know, the more people get educated, and the more people there are around you
who could help if needed. What you might be ashamed of or hate about yourself,
others may find intriguing, adorable, or as the song says <i>beautiful. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">No matter what anyone says,
including yourself, and the little devil that sits on your shoulder or hums
away at the back of your head, you are a beautiful person. You just need to
believe it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">You may find yourself and your
issues annoying, but that doesn’t mean your friends do. That also doesn’t mean
that everyone or anyone else does either. You may see yourself as dark and twisty,
scary and damaged but that’s not all you are. Your anxiety/depression/fears are
not all that there is to you. Believe it, and let those bits shine through your
darkness. Trust me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">17.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> <b>I Still
Believe – The Call<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">But
I still believe, I still believe<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Through
the pain and through the grief<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Through
the lives, through the storms<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Through
the cries and through the wars<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Oh,
I still believe<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Another one on believing. To quote
Cinderella, </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“No matter how your heart is
grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true” </i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">if
you believe you can get better, can conquer your fears, can become the person
you want to be and find your shine [again] then it’s more likely to happen.
Believe in yourself; believe in the power of healing, the power of music, the
power of speech, the power of overcoming your demons. BELIEVE.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">18.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> Heroes – David Bowie<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">We
can be heroes<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Just
for one day<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Many of you know this song, whether
it’s because you’re a David Bowie fan, or because you like Moulin Rouge –
either way it’s sung the lyrics ring true. Sometimes all you need to be is a
hero for a day – because you went to the doctors on your own, or went to Tesco,
or anything else that terrifies you. If you’ve done it, you’re a hero. Maybe
not a hero to anyone in particular, but you are to me, and you are to yourself
– you’ve proven to yourself you can do it. And if you take it one day at a
time, baby steps, you can be a hero every day and who wouldn’t want that? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">19.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> <b>Breaking
Free – High School Musical<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">We're
soarin', flying<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">There's
not a star in heaven<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">That
we can't reach<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">If
we're trying<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">So
we're breaking free<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">You
know the world can see us<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">In
a way that's different than who we are<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I did say there was gonna be some
cheese. High School Musical – the definition of cheese, and probably a guilty
pleasure to a lot of 20 somethings out there. Yes, I’m one of them, but lyrics
cannot be denied. The world sees you differently to who are you, and who you
think you are, but if you try, there’s no reason why you can’t reach the stars,
climb every mountain, follow your heart’s desire, all you have to do is fight
to break free of the chains you have imposed on you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">20.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> Roar – Katy Perry<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
used to bite my tongue and hold my breath<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Scared
to rock the boat and make a mess<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">So
I sat quietly, agreed politely<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
guess that I forgot I had a choice<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">[…]<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">You
held me down, but I got up<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Already
brushing off the dust<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">[…]<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">You
held me down, but I got up<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Get
ready 'cause I've had enough<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
see it all, I see it now<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Anxiety makes you quiet, makes you
unable to say what you want to, to stand </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">up for yourself, to make you be heard,
but sometimes you’ve had enough and need to do something about it. So ROAR.
It’s a feel good song, and if you can do it, if you can brush off the dust
that’s accumulated in your strife then it makes you feel good.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">21.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> Imagine Dragons – Demons<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Your
eyes, they shine so bright<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
wanna save that light<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
can't escape this now<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Unless
you show me how<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">When
you feel my heat<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Look
into my eyes<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">It’s
where my demons hide<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">We all have demons, and we try to
hide them deep inside, some peoples are less well hidden, others are extremely prevalent,
but we all have them, and we all fight them unless we are shown how to get rid
of them. They don’t have to be the be all and end all of your life; they can
just be the chapter that you’re suffering through.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">22.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> Alas, I Cannot Swim – Laura Marling<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">There’s
a life across the river<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">That
was meant for me<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Instead
I live my life in constant misery <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">If you think a life was meant for
you – fight for it. Don’t let yourself succumb to the darkness and misery; no
one’s life should be led that way. Most of the time you’ll be fighting
yourself, but you’ll be fighting for what you deserve, for what you need, for
what you want. That’s not a fight that should ever be backed down from. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">And don’t add the fear of failure to
your list of fears, if you think you’ll fail, you will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">23.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> Magic Works – Jarvis Cocker (Weird Sisters –
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">It's
hard<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">You
must be brave<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Don't
let this moment slip the way<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Believe
that magic works<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Don't
be afraid<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Afraid
of bein' hurt<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">No,
don't let this magic die<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Ooh,
the answer's there<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I’m a tremendous Harry Potter fan,
and when I heard this (it’s briefly in the film at the Yule Ball, but is played
at the end credits) I fell in love. It’s slow, it’s soppy, but sometimes
believing in magic can do you the world of good. Don’t be afraid of failing, of
being hurt, of trying – if you don’t try, you’ll be stuck where you are, and
you are worth so much more. If there’s anything that you can learn from the
Harry Potter books/films is that everyone matters, everyone has a purpose in
this world, and everyone and everything in life is worth fighting for –
especially [y]ourselves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">24.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> <b>Hurt –
Johnny Cash (or Nine Inch Nails if you so prefer)<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
hurt myself today <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">To
see if I still feel <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
focus on the pain <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">The
only thing that's real<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">[…]<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Full
of broken thoughts <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
cannot repair <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Beneath
the stains of time <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">The
feelings disappear<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">[…]<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">If
I could start again <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">A
million miles away <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
would keep myself <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
would find a way<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Another song you might be surprised
is on this list, due to its immense sadness, but it’s so lyrically superb. Many
sufferers, we self-harm, and we do it not for the attention, but for the need
to feel – or feel something else, a different kind of pain. I’d be a hypocrite
if I told anyone off for doing this. The moral you need to find in this song
though, is that the feelings disappear, that time heals your wounds – both
physical and emotional - you just have to let them and believe in yourself. You
can repair yourself if you try, if you believe, if you fight. Try (if your impositions
allow) to start again, start from scratch, build yourself into the person you
want to be – whether that’s a done a million miles from where you are, or
simply in the next room. Keep true to yourself, but don’t let the darkness take
you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 18.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">25.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";"> Osker - Strangled<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
feel strangled, I feel torn in two<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Insufficient
amounts of two<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Is
this a sign of what I'm made of<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Or
how I allow myself?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Grab
the wrists, pull away<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I
don't want to die today and so I won't<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Can't
believe this is me<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Well,
you're drowning me<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">With
my own hate so I won't<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">An important note to end on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">Anxiety etc. can drown you in
self-hatred – don’t let it. If you want to live then don’t let it kill you. <i>“I don’t wanna die, but I ain’t keen on
living either”</i> – change something, anything no matter how small, to make
you more keen on living. Don’t allow yourself to be treated in a way you don’t
believe you deserve – and that includes (and most importantly) yourself!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif";">I feel like a bit of a hypocrite for
some of the things I’ve said in this post, because as the song from the
original Alice in Wonderland says <i>“I give
myself very good advice, but very seldom follow it”</i> – but then I reminded
myself that as far as I’ve come; I’m still a sufferer, I’m still fighting, I
still need to be reminded to get up after I fall, I still need to remember to
carry on and reach my shine!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-36163151068642231502016-07-07T13:28:00.000+01:002016-07-07T13:28:55.744+01:00A New Era<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's been a long while since my last post, but I finally feel like I'm back in a place where I can start writing again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">A lot happened to me over the past year, and a lot of it wasn't good. I'm not going to go through it, there's no point in dragging myself down in having to retell the story again. Let's just say that it's made me stronger and a different person - one closer to the person I actually want to be.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There has been some good that's happened too though. I've met new people, I've overcome certain fears, I've climbed obstacles and smashed some to smithereens, I've started doing certain activities again that I feared I'd never feel comfortable enough to ever try again, and I'm so much happier than I've been in ages. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There's no doubt that I still have a lot of work to do, but the fact that I am at the point that I am now, I consider some sort of a miracle -- especially in comparison to this time last year, or even six months ago. It's been baby steps, and I've stumbled, crawled, and fallen backwards, but I'm still going forwards. I've discovered that as much as my impatient brain wants to, I'm not yet ready for leaps and bounds, but as far as I'm concerned, as long as I continue on the path that I'm on, it doesn't matter how long it takes me to reach my goal. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I still have issues, I'm still suffering from everything under the sun, but I feel like I'm learning to deal with it all in new and different ways. I'm so very proud of myself, and I know that there are people in my life that are just as proud, and this means the world to me. The people in my life now are the ones that I want there, the ones that I need, and the ones that I deserve. It took me far too long to realise this, and it's not something I will ever let myself go back on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The image in my last post - the teary eye and the knife - that picture is on my bedroom wall, I see it every morning when I wake up, and every night before I go to sleep. It reminds me of where I used to be, and how far I've come now. It's been over 9 months since I last self harmed. I'd be lying if I hadn't had the thought or the urge since, but I haven't actually fallen so low that I've felt the real desire. Another reason to be unbelievably proud of myself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Now I feel like I'm back in a place where I can actually write about my life and my experiences and troubles again without descending into a bottomless pit, I shall attempt to update more often. Even just writing this out has made me smile and feel like another part of me is back to where it should be -- and that it too can continue the path onwards and upwards! </span>Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-14031609871084822472015-09-20T21:16:00.000+01:002016-07-07T13:32:01.332+01:00Release<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_f6sh8HVPLu8MHeJyFkQK649Sik_LcxDqUk7HLLODlPyYd78xB9hurE2RRPbNBMqnfeYqRnAs_g6GaDyhgaI-T_fcByVf3QwgteDrHqltSijzjn9AaWAZXA7MLNOj40QMnRxeaRQZ7cMx/s1600/20150920_211121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_f6sh8HVPLu8MHeJyFkQK649Sik_LcxDqUk7HLLODlPyYd78xB9hurE2RRPbNBMqnfeYqRnAs_g6GaDyhgaI-T_fcByVf3QwgteDrHqltSijzjn9AaWAZXA7MLNOj40QMnRxeaRQZ7cMx/s640/20150920_211121.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-49497956184229721752015-09-09T19:12:00.003+01:002016-07-07T13:31:24.564+01:00Help Tips<span data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text0/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Having been asked for help explaining how non suffers can help and support those who have anxiety and depression, I wrote the following. </span></span><br />
<span data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text0/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text0/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">As far as anxiety and depression goes, at least in my case as others might be different - reassurance is a big part. Don't reject them, hurt them or leave them stranded in some way (may not seem to you like you are, but to them it could feel like you're pushing them out of a plane into the ocean and they can't swim), keep your eyes open for signs of panic and uncomfortableness - could be anything from silence, nail biting, finger twiddling, refusal to put down their phone etc - constantly reassure them that they're gonna be okay and that you're there for them. Don't force them into situations you know/think they might be uncomfortable with, but be there to support them if they try and do something outside of their comfort zone. Don't always believe 'fine' as an answer when you ask how they are, but don't try and push too far for a better answer, just let them know that you're there if they need you. </span><br data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text1/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" /><br data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text3/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" /><span data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text4/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Depression is a lot of the same, but needing extra encouragement to try and do things rather than just wallow. Too much wallowing means not wanting to do things, which means when it comes to actually trying to do things it could have been too long since you've seen people and the anxiety kicks in, and beliefs that there will be endless questions as to where you've been or what's up or things like that then make you not want to do anything again.</span><br data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text5/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" /><br data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text7/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" /><span data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text8/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Try and get them to do things, but within their limits. Ask if they wanna go for a drink or a walk or something, and even if you normally get the same answer of no, keep trying - but don't push. Let them know that they're not alone, even if that's all they feel, constant reassurance that they're not a hinderance, annoying or ridiculous/pathetic can mean a lot.</span><br data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text9/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" /><br data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text11/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" /><span data-reactid=".3.1:4:1:$comment10156158006580112_10156158859625112/=10.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end/=1$text12/=010" style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Just trying is the main thing though. Even if you feel like you may have failed because they're still panicky or crying or suicidal, the fact that you even bothered trying in the first place means a hell of a lot, as so many people just ignore those with anxiety and depression, or think we're attention seeking (which maybe we are, but at least in my case it's generally a cry for help) and the fact that there's someone on the planet that actually seems to be showing compassion towards us can at least make stepping stones towards helping recovery.</span></span>Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-56083232672563821472015-06-28T17:39:00.000+01:002016-07-07T13:30:51.873+01:00Fears<div style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 14px;">
I am terrified about a lot. Some are little things, some are big things. Some are ridiculous, some are normal. I am attempting to get through them, but it’s not easy, but at least I can acknowledge them.</div>
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Myself. I am terrified of myself. The way I can go from being on top of the world to wishing I was dead in the blink of an eye. The images that my brain produces. The way I can’t ever seem to forget things, and this means that they forever hurt me. </div>
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Sex. Sex scares the crap out of me. I’ve had it, and I enjoy it, but it scares the living daylights out of me. I’m scared of being that naked - physically and soulfully - I am reasonably inexperienced and have a history to show why, and what’s happened since. I can literally talk the talk, but not walk the walk. When I was writing properly I wrote some pretty damn good smut, porn, erotica, pure filth. But I can feel myself freaking out inside just from thinking about doing it myself. </div>
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Love. It terrifies me. I’ve fallen in love, deeply, thoroughly, and all that happened is that I got hurt. Heart shattered into a million teeny tiny shards hurt, and I’m too scared to let myself do it again, because I’ll just get hurt again, and I got through it before by the skin of my teeth. Not doing it again. I have trust issues, and I don’t think I could ever trust anyone that much, because the risk of pain is far too high right now. </div>
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I’m too scared to trust people, as the people that I’ve put the most trust in in my life have thrown things back in my face, have lied to me, have betrayed me, and made me believe that trust just can’t happen, not without me getting destroyed again. </div>
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Being Ignored. Sometimes I feel like the white crayon and terms and conditions. I often feel like I’ve just been forgotten about, and this stokes the fear deep in me that I will be left alone. Alone to stew in my neuroses, sitting waiting for someone to remember my existence until I become a skeleton. See, told you. </div>
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Being in public can be quite a terrifying experience for me, especially when there’s a high chance that while out, that I have to come face to face with people that make me feel worse than I already do. The mere thought of it makes me want to hide under a table in the corner, or lock myself in a toilet cubicle until they’ve gone. There are some things that I’m just not strong enough to face, and being confronted by one of them, well, that just makes me want to curl up somewhere, and/or carve chunks out of my leg. I know I should let things go, and that I shouldn’t let people make me feel like that, but it’s a long, hard, scary path that I can’t yet crawl down. </div>
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I’m scared that I’ll never get better - that I’ll be a tired, exhausted, miserable, depressed, terrified person my entire life. </div>
Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3489556284835080342.post-3234314040571529492015-05-29T01:29:00.002+01:002016-07-07T22:15:46.804+01:00First things first<div style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 14px;">
If you don’t like long posts about personal issues and think that they are all begging for attention when it happens, then turn away now. </div>
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This is about struggle, education and people needing support and love not hate, bullying and being ignored - something that everyone needs to be aware of. I am not proud or attention seeking. I’m the kind of person that admired Robin Williams for his suicide, and seeing it from the same side he saw his life, I understand it - and am proud of him for fighting as long as he did, and making the decision that enough was enough. A life fighting for the tiniest molecule of happiness is not a life. And if you don’t like this fact, then stop reading. </div>
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I have been diagnosed a severe sufferer of Chronic Depression, Chronic Anxiety and Myalgic Enchepalomyelitis (ME/CFS - Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). None of these are fun conditions, and the combination of all three makes things very difficult. If I was to boil this down to the complete bare basics, it basically means that I am too sad, too scared and too tired to do pretty much anything. And anything that I do do, takes a lot of energy, effort and discomfort. </div>
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I am a long term sufferer. I had my first full blown panic attack (hyperventilating, tears etc.) when I was 5 years old. 5 years, 2 months and 14 days to be precise. I am currently 25 years, 2 months and 19 days old. I have suffered from bad anxiety and depression for at least 20 years. And I am very, <i>very</i> good at hiding it. Told a friend of mine that I’ve known for at least 8 years this and he was gobsmacked. I can hide it. I can put on a face, and be inwardly screaming and dying. </div>
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I am a self harmer. I don’t do it for attention. I do it because sometimes that’s all there is left that doesn’t involve a death certificate. I don’t want to die. I’m just not keen on living either. It lowers my pain, my anxiety and my stress. I am not proud that I do it. </div>
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But it’s a part of who I am, and it’s not something that I should have to hide [from]. </div>
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Do I wish I don’t do it? Yes. </div>
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Do I like the fact that it quietens the deafening constant turmoil? Yes. </div>
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Do I wish that I could live a different life? Yes. </div>
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Is there anything I can really do about it that won’t take most of the rest of my life to climb up the first couple of steps to stairway of full recovery? No. </div>
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There are many people like me. Many people that get teased, bullied, left out, ignored, forgotten about, made to feel like shit about anything at all. If you’re friends with us, then you probably know how we are. And those are the worst possible things you can do. We need love, friendship, and most importantly support. We need help to get to where you are. We need help to be able to smile a non forced smile. We need help to not fake that we’re happy, and actually genuinely feel it. We need for people to not make us feel shit about something that we already do and hate that we do - we’re not in control. And it won’t be easy for you, but it’ll be so much harder on us. It can be hard for many people to understand, but some days just dropping a cup of water will bring us to tears. You may think “Oh this is just one little thing” but we see it as “Oh my God I can’t even get water without fucking up and now I’ve made a huge mess - I shouldn’t even try.”</div>
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Next time you see someone struggling, don’t tell them to man up, don’t ignore them, don’t make them feel worse. Ask if they’re okay, ask if there’s anything you can do to help, ask them if they need a hug. See if they maybe want to go and do something as simple as going for a walk/drink/food/10 minutes in the company of someone who cares, as simple and feeble as it may sound to you, stepping out of the front door can feel like climbing Mount Everest. </div>
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I am fully aware that this is a depressing, emotional, unusual first blog post, but it has to be said, especially if you're gonna carry on reading my posts, poems and desperately sad rants. </div>
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Musings of a Vehement Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16194941167017990668noreply@blogger.com0